The Incident that Shook my Life

When my parents arranged my marriage, I thought I should really concentrate on my to-be-wife. Give her all the love that I have. Well, I was a very flirty guy before marriage and had number of girlfriends. But now that the girl to whom I'm marrying has said "Yes" without knowing my background, definitely deserve my whole life and I should not betray her at any cost. I used to talk with her whole day, before marriage. It is important to know the girl with whom I'm marrying. The whole days were dedicated to her. All day only she was on my mind. I noticed that she doesnt know how to talk so I used to tell her what type of sentences she should say. I tought each and every pattern of expressing love and expected that she should react in such way. Nothing was getting in her mind. I thought that let her do what she tries, I should not force her to react in the way that I suppose she should react. She didnt used a single word about love even though some times she tried. I thought that she will learn how to express love. Sometimes I got very desperate as well as angry to hear from her how she loves me, but even by this there were no effects on her. I thought let her take her time to react. The day came when we got married. Even then, she has not a single sentence of expressing love. Well, even then I thought she will take her time. A year passed but nothing from her side happened that will express me her love. In the mean time, she kept going to her father's home. I didnt opposed her for this, as she was newly married and misses her family.

She was pregnant and it was the time, again, she should be at her father's home. It's OK. Then a girl came in my life, she would continuosly talk with me whenever I meet her. I got impressed by her thoughts and words. I used to talk with my wife daily, there were quarrels between us every two or three days. But I still loved her. The girl I used to meet kept me impressing. Once I thought, let me get what my wife cant give me, the words, the expressions, the feeling. This was definitely not good, as I already have a woman in my life as my wife and I love her very much. Once, I got so much desperate and depressed with my wife on phone, so many bad words exchanged but still she didnt told me her feelings about me. I told all such things to the girl I met, who else was there to share my feelings? Her helping hands and feelingness got me bold out. I thought so much, calculated so much, what if my wife got noticed about this? what will happen to her? How will she react? Whether she will take the responsibility of this thing? It was long battle in my mind. It happened in regular goings. I started meeting her not so often but once or twice in a week. That girl also told me that this is not right, you should not do this. But the love and sharing that I required in my life was totally not there with my wife. Even when I get angry, my wife held me responsible for all the quarrels between us. It brought me down so much. Still I kept loving her as I still love her very much.

Even though, I didnt got what I expected from my wife, I shouldn't have done this with her. She is, afterall, my wife, eventhough she doesnt love me or love me but dont talk with me on that topic, I guess. But after this much happened, as she got noticed of such things that I've done with her, betrayed her, still she is not with me, she doesnt even think that It was her responsibility of providing me the kind of love what I expected from her. I'm a lonely person now and may be for whole life. But I love my wife so much and cant forget her at any cost. Whatever may be her thoughts and feelings about me, well, she might even dont want me in her life but my feelings towards her wont change at all.
I love her very much and may god bless her with all the happiness that she requires.